Conflict is one leadership responsibility that you most certainly will have to face. Yet many leaders do not take the time in advance to think about how they will deal with conflict when it arises. Rather too many adopt a conflict avoidance style of leadership. The only action they are willing to take when conflict arises is to try to shut it down and hope it will go away in time.
When conflict is not managed in a healthy and helpful way, the fallout may be great. Relationships are broken or strained, people get hurt, and the people you are leading might lose their way. On the other hand when it is handled in helpful and healthy ways, the results are often positive and forward moving. Relationships are strengthened, obstacles overcome, and trust is developed in the leader.
So how should a leader handle conflict?
Let me suggest some guiding principles for handling conflict whether it involves you personally or you are seeking to resolve conflict among those you lead.
- Get the Facts. Often we get upset about something we heard from a third party. Rather than getting the facts, we form our own conclusion with limited information. Instead, ask questions of the person(s) directly involved before forming your opinion. If asking questions is not possible because emotions are running high, then wait until reason can prevail. Whatever you do, suspend judgment until you know the facts. Also crucial is being open to changing your opinion as more facts become available. Be willing to say to those involved, “Since I do not know all of the facts, I will refrain from making a judgment on the situation.”
- Respond to conflict with reason rather than emotions. When dealing with conflict, this is one of the biggest areas of struggle for most people. We can become so upset that our response becomes more emotions than reason. When you hear the phrase “you are being unreasonable,” that is a sign that emotion rather than reason is responding. Emotion is what leads us to say hurtful and mean things to or about people. When you find yourself thinking hurtful and mean thoughts about those with whom you are in conflict, it is a sign that emotion is responding. Reason is what tells us to value and respect the other person regardless of how badly they may have hurt you.
- Seek Objectivity. You should have at least one person you respect and trust, and who in no way is involved in the conflict to help you remain objective. We are unable to remain objective if conflict directly involves us or in some way affects us. This is why a person you respect who has no vested interest in the conflict will help you maintain some objectivity. This kind of objectivity helps the leader avoid becoming self-focused and defensive.
- Choose your words wisely. Whatever you have to say as a leader should always work toward resolving the conflict and/or building up others in a positive, Christ-like manner. There should be no mean spirited words meant to hurt or tear down those with whom you are having conflict. Sometimes it seems like the easiest way to go about “winning” the conflict is to tear down the other and be mean-spirited. But that is never the right way. As a leader who is a follower of Christ, you should always choose to be calm in the storm, light in the darkness, and hope in the midst of despair.
Few people like conflict, yet it is an inevitable part of life. The challenge for you as a leader is not to adopt the approach of conflict avoidance, but heathy conflict management. This approach calls for intentional choices on your part as a leader in order to get the helpful and healthy results of conflict resolution that we all desire but for which we are often unwilling to work.
Question: How are your conflict management skills? How are you managing a conflict you are involved in currently? What steps can you take to help this conflict be resolved in a healthy and helpful way?
If you would like help in achieving your goals in any area of your life, call us at 208-880-0307 or email us at errol@errolcarrim.com to schedule a complimentary coaching session. To read Errol’s other posts, visit Christ-Centered Life Coaching.
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