Heart Connection (by Alisa Looney)

In my work with leaders during the past year, I have come to realize that one of the areas most leaders are continually challenged by is emotional intelligence. Therefore, I thought we should revisit the topic I blogged about just over a year ago.

Imagine the head of an organization who is sharp, intelligent and articulate, but most people can’t seem to get along with her. She does not connect well with people, but she does not see it as her lack of ability – she thinks that others do not “get” her.

Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking work Emotional Intelligence, has raised awareness of the importance of leaders having emotional intelligence if they are to be successful.

I believe emotional intelligence is crucial for the success of any leader. In many cases, emotional intelligence becomes the key factor in how well you guide and care for the people under your leadership.

Coleman identified five areas you must attend to in order to develop emotional intelligence.

1. Self-awareness. Coleman describes self-awareness as, having a deep understanding of one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives. People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. Rather, they are honest— with themselves and with others. Not only will you have an awareness of who you are, but you also will be aware of how your emotional state affects others. Assessments such as Myers-Briggs and Gallup Strengthsfinder could serve as starting points in developing your self-awareness.
2. Self- regulation. According to Coleman, self-regulation is like an ongoing inner conversation . . . the component of emotional intelligence that frees us from being prisoners of our feelings. People engaged in such a conversation feel bad moods and emotional impulses just as everyone else does, but they find ways to control them and even to channel them in useful ways. The tendency is to give in to what you feel but later have regrets. As a leader, strive for responding appropriately without being held prisoner by your emotions.
3. Motivation. What keeps you focused and motivated? Coleman says, if there is one trait that virtually all effective leaders have, it is motivation. He describes motivation as, a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status; a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence. In other words, as a leader your primary motivation in all things should be to bring honor, glory and praise to the One who called you to a place of leadership. How you respond when you come under attack by those you lead will reflect your motivation. Coleman observes that … people with high motivation remain optimistic even when the score is against them.
4. Empathy. This ability relates to dealing with others. Leaders with empathy will take into account the feelings of others when making decisions, though without taking on the troubles of others. Identifying with others in their pain while maintaining emotional boundaries demonstrates appropriate empathy. This area of emotional intelligence may be your most vulnerable as a leader. Many leaders have been derailed due to lack of boundaries in the area of empathy. Coleman explains it like this: For a leader . . . it doesn’t mean adopting other people’s emotions as one’s own and trying to please everybody. That would be a nightmare—it would make action impossible. Rather, empathy means thoughtfully considering employees’ feelings—along with other factors—in the process of making intelligent decisions. As a leader you will find yourself unable to take action or make intelligent decisions if you do not develop appropriate empathy and emotional boundaries as you try to view decisions from the perspective of those you lead.
5. Social Skills. Your ability to succeed as a leader will depend greatly on your social skills. According to Coleman, social skill is not as simple as it sounds. It’s not just a matter of friendliness, although people with high levels of social skill are rarely mean-spirited. Social skill, rather, is friendliness with a purpose: moving people in the direction you desire. Your social skill will depend largely on the extent to which you are aware of the previous four areas. To be friendly with a purpose will require that you know yourself, are motivated and empathetic toward those you lead.

As you have read through the five components of emotional intelligence, which area requires your attention? Many tools are available to help you grow in your emotional intelligence. For starters, see Coleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence. He also has an article that summarizes the five components of emotional intelligence. If you email me I am happy to send you a copy of the article.

If you would like help in achieving your goals in any area of your life, call us at 208-880-0307 or email us at errol@errolcarrim.com to schedule a complimentary coaching session. To read Errol’s other posts, visit Christ-Centered Life Coaching.

Photo credit: Nancy D. Regan / Foter / CC BY-NC