Category Archives: Life Coaching

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Ultimately, the Buck Really Does Stop with You!

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buck stops hereThe phrase, “the buck stops here,” was made popular by President Harry S. Truman. The phrase was on his desk in the Oval Office as a reminder to himself and the nation he was leading that ultimately the final responsibility was his. The phrase implies that the responsibility for something cannot or should not be passed on to someone else. No one to blame, no scapegoating or making of excuses. Let that sit with you for a while before reading any further.

What might happen if you were to approach living your life in this way? Rather than doing the thing that comes naturally—blaming others and making excuses, you start saying, “the buck stops with me,” and you take total responsibility for your life.

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Getting Along with Difficult People

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Angry peopleWe have all encountered someone who we have a difficult time getting along with. Reasons vary for why we struggle to get along with some people, while we seem to have no problem with others.

With some, it is the short fuse or seemly uncontrollable anger. Others might have mood swings that make them hard to get along with because you can never tell what temper they’ll be in at any given time. Others are overly sarcastic. Then there are those who are never wrong and nothing is ever their fault; they are masters of blame-shifting.

We have all encountered someone who is challenging to be around, whether at home or work. It may be a family member, a neighbor, a friend or an acquaintance. As a matter of fact, sometimes we are the ones who are hard to get along with. But let me offer some guidance for getting along with difficult people.

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Finding Freedom through Forgiveness

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forgive&free“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” I am sure you have heard that saying many times. The truth is that the saying is misleading. Because while to err is human, to forgive is also human, aided by the divine.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing because our first thought when someone hurts us or treats us unfairly is to desire justice. We immediately want to hurt them back; we want them to hurt as badly as we did or worse; or to lose as much as we have lost—and more if possible.

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When Listening is Most Difficult

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Ears pluggedLast week I looked at listening as foundational to a healthy relationship. If you are to have and maintain healthy relationships at any level, you must learn to be a good listener.

Listening is most challenging during conflict. In such cases emotions run high, with anger being the dominant. When emotions run high, reason can hardly prevail. And without reason rising above emotions, conflict escalates, often leading to serious consequences for all involved. Many times in the middle of a conflict you may have heard the phrase, “You are not listening to me!” Or perhaps you used it yourself.

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Good Listening is Foundational to Healthy Relationships

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good talkTo be human is to be in relationship. We cannot survive without it. Whether you are a parent, neighbor, friend, spouse or a leader, you depend on healthy relationships to get along with others. The foundation on which all relationships are built is good communication. When communication is good, relationships are healthy; when communication is poor, relationships are poor as well. Regardless of whom you are relating to, good communication is the key to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

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Busyness: Control–or be Controlled

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OverwhelmedLast November I wrote a two-part blog on busyness. The subject is again on my radar because the most popular response I get when I ask people how they are doing is, “I’m busy.”

Recently, I told a friend who gave me that very answer: “I hope you are controlling your busyness rather than being controlled by your busyness.”

The person was surprised by my comment, as if they had not thought about whether they were in control of their busyness or if it was controlling them. As I thought about my answer and the person’s response, I began wondering about how many of us are being controlled by our busyness rather than controlling it. I wonder if many of us have even realized that we can control our busyness.

Let me suggest a couple things that can lead to your busyness controlling you.

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When Life Gets Too Busy, Meaningful Relationships Die

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Cellphone familyWe live in a fast-paced culture in the United States. We are constantly busy going places in person or online, without enough time to do all we desire.

These days, I see a lot of families eating out due to their busy schedules. It also seems to be the norm for everyone to have their heads buried in their electronic devices while they wait on their food. There is more conversation with the server than among family members.

This fast-paced life has contributed to the demise of meaningful relationships in our lives. We either do not know how to connect in a meaningful way, or are not willing to take the time to do so, because the process is too slow. Instead we Facebook, tweet, Instagram, snapchat, WeChat, WhatsApp and Pinterest our relationships. Some of us will more quickly answer a text than return a phone call because it is too time consuming. And sadder still – many of us wear that sentiment as a badge of honor.

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Providing Helpful, Negative Feedback

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ConversationProviding negative feedback may be beneficial or harmful depending on how and by whom it is given. Most of us do not enjoy giving or receiving negative feedback. Yet without the benefit of negative feedback we usually fall way short of realizing our fullest potential.

As objective as we think we are, and as honest with ourselves as we try to be, still we are unable to become our best unless we are able to effectively give and receive helpful, negative feedback.

We all have been around people, family, friends, work colleagues or the person in line at the grocery store who needed some helpful, negative feedback, but we weren’t sure how to go about giving it.

Last week we looked at some of the reasons we fail to give negative feedback. Now let’s look at how we might go about giving negative feedback in a helpful way.

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The Job That No One Wants

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Ballgame criticismWe all like to give and receive positive feedback. But negative feedback? Now that is another issue. Most of us neither like giving nor receiving it. And for us to improve and become the best we can be, we need to give and receive negative feedback.

Why is something so necessary to our well-being sometimes so difficult?

For one thing, if you are insecure in who you are and have low self-esteem, you are less likely to give negative feedback to others because of your need to be liked. Parents fail to give negative feedback to their children because of the fear that their children will not like them. Co-workers and friends do the same.

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Your Emotions Need Tending Too

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Emotional self-careLast week we talked about “physical self-care” and the importance of caring for the temple of God – your body. This week, I would like to focus your attention on your “emotional self-care.”

Emotions are a fundamental part of being human. Anger. Jealousy. Joy. Sadness. Grief. Contentment. Love. All of these help you respond and interact with life and living. They impact how you think and behave.

To understand and appreciate the importance of emotional self-care, you need to think about what life is like when you neglect your emotional health.

Emotional self-neglect will often result in you being held captive by your emotions.