Conflicts are unavoidable, try as you may. They are a natural part of our human existence; therefore, we need to figure out how to best deal with them rather than trying to avoid them.
When conflict exists in a relationship and all you do is try to avoid it, you are only allowing it to get worse. The longer you wait to resolve it when you don’t know what to do, also makes it worse.
Leaders who lead well are leaders who have embraced their real self and are comfortable with who they in Christ. They know they have weaknesses and strengths, they emotionally aware, and they can be honest with themselves and others about who they are.
“It makes sense that people who know themselves and who can relate genuinely to others by avoiding self-protective roles have a better chance of succeeding in leadership, especially today. Leaders who strive to acknowledge all sides of themselves and who allow all sides of themselves to be acknowledged will increase their capacity to lead in difficult times.” Richard H. Ackerman and Pat Maslin-Ostrowski
Desires. We all have them. To have desires is to be human. We were created with the ability to have desires. Desires turned to dreams move us to achieve good and great things in life.
A desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. We have physical, emotional, spiritual and mental desires. Not all desires are good for us; the fulfillment of some desires would negatively impact us and/or those around us. Imagine what would happen if you went through with the desire you felt when a driver cut you off, or when a person cut in line in front of you?
With all the knowledge, skills, talents and drive you may have, if you are not emotionally self-aware, you will struggle at succeeding with your life’s goals.
You do not have to look far to find someone who has failed at achieving their life’s goals because they did not take the time to know who they were emotionally, how to control their emotions, and what motivated their emotions. You may have experienced consequences due to lack of awareness of emotional strengths and weaknesses; you failed because you thought you were strong in an area where you were actually weak.
You can’t seem to get on top of things at work; the to-do list at home is growing; time with loved ones is increasingly limited. You have come to accept your busy-ness and justify the lack of time with family with, “It’s not the quantity but the quality of the time spent together that matters.”
You sense the distance growing between you, your spouse, your children, or other significant persons.
Take care of yourself? You have no time to exercise, rest well, or eat properly. You always feel tired.
In Mark 7:21-22 Jesus warns us of what comes from the heart; things such as evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly. You don’t have to work at these things; they come naturally to the human heart.
Take a child for instance; you don’t have to teach a child to be selfish, say no or throw a tantrum. You do not have to teach the child to hit, scream or get in a fight with another child. Rather, you find parents trying to teach their children how to be nice, caring, share and control their temper.
A question we are often asked here in Dargaville, New Zealand, is how our various experiences compare to what it would be like in the United States. People are often surprised at our response; we tell them that we are not really comparing it to our experience in the U.S., but just taking it for what it is.
The desire to compare is part of our DNA as humans.
During the past few weeks of jogging here in New Zealand, I have become known as the guy who jogs with the blue shirt, black shorts, black and blue shoes and yellow cap. Yes, I jog with a cap because the risk of sunburn here is very high compared to other parts of the world. I jog three different routes; the route I take on a given day is determined by the distance of my run.
While jogging, I occasionally stop and talk with someone. I usually say my name, but not often do I get a name from them. We will converse about life in our different countries, and then it will eventually come down to talking about the weather. Many farmers and people who grew up on farms in the area live so naturally, the weather is an important topic!
I began thinking about how I am known in the community by those who see me jogging daily. I then wondered, how do people remember us after they have encountered us?
One of the things I have had to get used to in Dargaville, New Zealand, is the number of people who walk to their destinations. It is a small town and one can get to places quite easily and quickly without driving. As a result, people are always walking the streets.
Since people walk so much around here, they must cross the street from time to time. As I mentioned in my blog (How Rude!) two weeks ago, unless you are at a designated pedestrian crossing, vehicles have the right of way. Sometimes crossing the street is risky business!
As I also mentioned in the previous blog, where I live in the United States, stopping for someone to cross the street, even when there is no pedestrian crossing, is fairly normal and considered the kind thing to do.
As I have been driving and jogging around Dargaville, New Zealand, I have been noticing something very interesting. Wherever building construction is happening, whether commercial or residential, the property is fenced. The fences are mandatory to restrict access so that people don’t walk onto the building site. On the fence are any number of notices, such as, “Keep Out,” “No Trespassing,” “Danger,” etc.