Last November I wrote a two-part blog on busyness. The subject is again on my radar because the most popular response I get when I ask people how they are doing is, “I’m busy.”
Recently, I told a friend who gave me that very answer: “I hope you are controlling your busyness rather than being controlled by your busyness.”
The person was surprised by my comment, as if they had not thought about whether they were in control of their busyness or if it was controlling them. As I thought about my answer and the person’s response, I began wondering about how many of us are being controlled by our busyness rather than controlling it. I wonder if many of us have even realized that we can control our busyness.
Let me suggest a couple things that can lead to your busyness controlling you.
Cause: One reason you may be controlled by your busyness is when you rely on the approval of others for your self-worth. This makes it difficult, if not impossible, for you to say “no” when asked by others to do something, because you believe saying “no” to a request will lead others to think less of you. This leads to you feeling unworthy. You are driven by a need to be needed and as a result you become extremely busy due to over-commitment.
Cure: How do you control your busyness when struggling with self-worth? First, you need to recognize your worth is not defined by others’ evaluation of what you do. Your self-worth is in who you are as a person. In other words, your being is what defines your self-worth, not your doing. Learn to appreciate who you are; value your strengths and areas of growth. Develop a healthy self-respect for yourself. While it is true that what you do reflects who you are, it is not what you do that makes you who you are. A healthy self-worth helps you control your busyness.
Cause: Another possible reason you allow your busyness to control you is that you take responsibility for the feelings and responses of others. Trust me when I say that people are waiting in line to manipulate your guilt in this area to keep you busy. You already feel as though you don’t have time to breathe, but fear of offending or disappointing others leads you to say “yes”–even though you know it will be almost impossible for you to complete all you have on your plate. This presents a double bind for you because while you should care about the feelings and responses of others, you should not be controlled by them.
Cure: Begin by accepting the fact that while you should care about the feelings of others as well as how they respond to you, you should not allow others to manipulate your emotions and “guilt you” into doing things you have neither time nor ability to do. Guilt is a powerful tool that is useful for guiding your conscience, but it can also be used to manipulate you into doing what you do not want to do. Develop the emotional boundary of knowing where you end and others begin, so you don’t take responsibility for their feelings and responses when you say “no.” This is the healthy thing for you to do emotionally, physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.
Being busy is good, but you must control the busy. There will be times when busyness will control you because things get hectic at times; however, that should be the exception not the norm.
So ponder this question today: Is your busyness controlling you or are you in control of your busyness? Go through your busy schedule and ask yourself if you have committed to something because of a lack of self-worth or out of guilt. If so, take some time to consider ways in which you might avoid this trap in the future.
If you would like help in achieving your goals in any area of your life, call us at 208-880-0307 or email us at errol@errolcarrim.com to schedule a complimentary coaching session. To read Errol’s other posts, visit Christ-Centered Life Coaching.
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