“We don’t usually remember what people said or what they did – however we do remember how they make us feel.”  – Maya Angelou

I recall while growing up I was often mindful of how the people around me made me feel. This was particularly true with adults. When some were around I felt safe and protected, while with others I felt vulnerable and afraid.

I can recall as if it was yesterday how afraid I felt when I was in the presence of a particular adult when I was growing up. He was angry most of the time, and when he was home we kids could not play or be loud. He was also the one who inflicted the physical punishments. We were most happy when he was not at home. Some 50 years later I can still recall the make, model, color and license plate of his car because whenever that car pulled into the driveway, I would get this sinking feeling in my stomach. In his presence was fear.

I can also recall a mentor of mine from back in the ‘80s whose presence made me feel confident, valued, respected and loved. I used to say of him, I want to be all that God wants me to be and as much of mentor as I can be.

If you think about it, you experience either positive or negative feelings when you are in the presence of the people you live, work and socialize with on a daily basis. You either like being in their presence or you don’t.

Have you ever wondered how people feel in your presence? When you show up is there a feeling of optimism or does it change to despair? Are people energized or do they feel defeated in your presence?

Many leaders do not think about how their presence impacts those they are leading. You may be a gifted, talented, well-educated leader and you are good at what you do. But when people are in your presence, they feel defeated, discouraged and angry.

Successful leaders on the other hand make people feel hopeful, valued, respected and optimistic. They may not be as talented, gifted or educated as some leaders, but their presence makes those around them feel they can do anything under their leadership.

Your presence encourages and lifts up others, or it discourages and demoralizes them. Your followers are positive and encouraged when you are in the office, or they are not. They either like having you around, or they are most happy when you are out of the office.

This principle is also true whether it is the presence of a spouse, parent, child, friend or co-worker. Our presence has an effect on those around us.

Here are some signs that your presence is having a negative effect on those around you.

• You are always right or must always have the last word.
• You are not a good listener.
• You do not value the opinions of others.
• You shut others down when they try to question your ideas.
• You are very defensive.
• You take things personally and have a tendency to hold on to hurts.
• You have a very short fuse; you get angry easily and quickly.
• You put down others and their ideas.

If you practice the opposite of the above list, you will discover that the people in your presence will feel valued, respected, hopeful and optimistic.

Here is the question that will help you to get a handle on how your presence impacts those around you. Ask those you are often around to answer this question honestly and without fear, “How do you experience me, how do I make you feel?” Be prepared to hear the good with the bad, and be warned, some of it will not feel good.

If you would like help in achieving your goals as a leader or in any area of your life, call us at 208-880-0307 or email us at errol@errolcarrim.com to schedule a complimentary coaching session. To read Errol’s other posts, visit Christ-Centered Life Coaching.